Musings of a Rhymer

  Woke up the other morning  After having some bad dreams About Dangling Participles And what that really means   Couldn’t remember what they were I was sure I used to know But High School English class Was a long, long time ago   A participle is a verb-formed adjective  Decided to write this down A participle is "dangling" when  It modifies the wrong noun   Here is an example About a dinner date  “After finishing my dinner, the waitress took my plate”   Or the one about the farmer I guess this plot could thicken “After laying a large egg, the farmer presented his favorite chicken. “   How about the newspaper ad Really makes you think “Need man to take care of gorilla that doesn’t smoke or drink.”   Another good example It might be a winner “He was smelling the fried chicken coming down the steps for dinner.”   Or the one about the canine Who was unruly and the like “A cop just said my dog was chasing people on a bike”   I...

  Read about a fellow Just the other day   Who said he’s leery of invitations  That sometimes come his way   He has lots of friends  And an active social life  But after two divorces He no longer has a wife   He knows he drinks a bit too much  It’s not something he can hide When his friends bring up his drinking  He wishes they’d just let it ride   But he carries a nagging guilt  About his desire for alcohol He would be much happier  If they didn’t mention it at all   His friends are well-meaning  And concerned about his health Not to mention his two DUI’s And their impact on his wealth    When friends invite him over It’s always a source of tension  He’s never quite sure  If it involves an intervention    He first drives by their house Counts the number of cars If there are more than three parked there He goes to one of his usual bars

  Boxers don’t make love The night before a fight Cause they don’t like each other much Sleeping together would not be right   The Track coach counseled runners “Run like you have fans in the stand Bear to your left on the track  Get back as quick as you can”   The key to a good golf game Is hit the ball hard and straight  Just don’t do it too often Or a bad score that will make   Football is a game  I still like to this day Cause old quarterbacks don’t die They just pass away   Soccer doesn’t capture me  They almost never score And the field just seems too large To me, the game’s a bore   Tennis has a saying That I think is very nice "You only live once, But you get to serve twice"   Basketball is a great team game A favorite one, by far Any kid who grows up, and up, and up They can be a star   Only shake hands with hockey players Other athletes have the gall To run and walk around  While playing with their balls   I...

What in the world has happened? So much time has slipped away Joe Namath pushing hearing aids Never dreamed I’d see this day   Joe represents MD Hearing He does their ads on TV I’ve always been a Namath fan His spirit just seems so free   We both went to Alabama  Me, I’m your average Joe But “Broadway Joe”, “Joe Willy” Every football fan will know   He was the epitome of “cool” Still is at the age of eighty  His charm and personality  And presence are still weighty   Now, he looks a little frail  And it’s hard for him to hear He retains that brilliant smile Joe still makes me want to cheer

  Rupert Murdoch just remarried  At the age of ninety-three Better case for hope and optimism  There could never be   His new wife extends the lineup  She’s the fifth one up to bat Number six may already be on-deck But the new wife must live with that   Most guys of ninety-three  Eat their oatmeal, go back to bed Rupert’s still chasing women  What goes on in his head?   Rupert’s net worth is $20 billion  He thanks the stars above There seems to be no question  He offers one a lot to love   And four years life expectancy  For a person of ninety-three Makes a strong case for marriage  Or so it seems to me   His new Russian wife’s ex-husband  After divorce, became an oligarch  So, she came close to having big money  She may again be near the mark   I’ll just say good luck to the newlyweds  May this fifth marriage stick But in case it doesn’t  Rupert can call up number six

  Sometimes when life gets hard And push really comes to shove Some people just can’t help themselves And turn against the one they love   We saw this play out recently  In the Senator Bob Menendez case His defense: if any crimes were committed  Those are things his wife must face   Gold bars and stacks of cash Three quarter million stashed in her closet  Bob said he never went in there And he never saw any bank deposit    He noticed she was driving a new Mercedes But it never crossed his mind That favors he did for her friends  Could constitute payments made in-kind   Blamed it all on his wife But the jury didn’t buy that notion He was convicted of all sixteen counts  Of fraud, bribery, extortion    Bob said to his wife "We are in this life together, honey It's just you and me" Unless, of course, there comes a time When it is  either  you or me.”